Reflection Meme

Meme time!

First questions are over age 10-12 (Old you.)

What name did you go by?: Brook.

Gender Identification?: I pretended to be female online.

Sexuality?: Bisexual.

What was your Fursona (give us a picture!)?: A gray raccoon lady.

Hobbies?: Drawing, playing online games, writing stories, running.

Personality?: Envious, demanding, feisty, oblivious, fond of "lol random" humor.

Favorite food?: Chicken.

Who was your best friend?: A female-identified person named Hailey, a woman (then a girl) named Layla, this other woman (then a girl) named Morgan, and a man named Horacio. I hope they're all faring well and I appreciate our time together regardless of their outcomes. ♥

What did you usually wear?: T-shirts and comfortable pants.

Did you have any pets? Not at the time, but I would in the future (not for long).

Did you have a DeviantArt?: Yes.

Did you draw?: Yes.

What did your art look like (another picture!)?: https://ibb.co/album/gbZym5 (I'll upload more eventually... they're too embarrassing to recover. Not necessarily because of the quality of the art themselves, but because I was such an embarrassing child with ridiculous ideas.)

How many watchers did you have?: Around 200.

Any other interesting info on yourself back then?: At ages 10-12, my self-esteem was somewhat higher than it would be in the coming years.

Next questions are over age 13-15 (Old you.)

What name did you go by?: Robin.

Gender Identification?: Male.

Sexuality?: Panromantic asexual.

What was your Fursona (give us a picture!)?: Firstly, a gray wolf with black hair who was highly depressive. (13.) Afterward, a shape-shifting bird who usually shifted between being an American robin and a Pekin duck. (14-15).

Hobbies?: Drawing, playing online games, writing stories, reading about fandoms.

Personality?: Depressive, aggressive, self-hating, suicidal, wishing excessively to be "cool," and to "fit in" at any cost. Somehow, however, I was entirely insecure and knew something was missing from my life...

Favorite food?: Pizza and lasagna.

Who was your best friend?: At age 13, I acquire a female friend who prefers to be referred to as "Tiger." Afterward, I befriended a man (then a boy) named Tom. Eventually, within the span of 2 years, I lost both of those friendships. I attempted to befriend Layla, Morgan, and a non-binary person (then female-identified) named Jude, but those friendships didn't last due to complications I'd rather not state (I evacuated all of those friendships). Eventually, at the age of 15, I would befriend an old friend by the name of, Rigby "Pierrot" Wade for a short period of time. Otherwise, I was slowly developing a friendship with Riem via the DHMIS Wiki...

What did you usually wear?: Long-sleeved shirts, dark colors, comfortable pants.

Did you have any pets? At ages 14-15, I would have 2 puppies at separate times but we couldn't care for them for too long so we would give them away.

Did you have a DeviantArt?: Yes.

Did you draw?: Yes.

What did your art look like (another picture!)?: https://ibb.co/album/2YwHJb

How many watchers did you have?: At the age of 14-15, around the time I was abandoning my first deviantART account due to abandoning the FNaF fandom and pursuing original artwork (which was becoming a burden due to my watchers not being able to understand this), I had around 700+ watchers. At 13, I had about 500+ followers.

Any other interesting info on yourself back then?: My self-esteem subsided a ton during this phase.

First questions are over age 16-19 (Old you.)

What name did you go by?: Robin, Grimm.

Gender Identification?: Male.

Sexuality?: Omniromantic asexual.

What was your Fursona (give us a picture!)?: A red-haired, bespectacled, brown, sadistic, highly-confident velociraptor by the name of Dominick Gomez (16-17). Then a red-haired, bespectacled, dark brown, gothic, retrophilic, anorexic, self-hating velociraptor by the name of Roger Grimdark (17-present).

Hobbies?: Drawing, playing online games, writing stories, reading academically and politically.

Personality?: Solemn, passive-aggressive, constantly manic (16-17), depressive and anxious (17-19), intellectual, selective, difficult to please.

Favorite food?: Chicken, French fries, beef stew.

Who was your best friend?: When I was turning 17, I would befriend a boy by the name of E.W. Riemermann. During the first phase, it lasted about a year with some difficulties due to my awful, overbearing personality brought on by my newfound discovery of my love of vintage and my rejection of modern society (aside from medicine and technology and select shows/movies/games) and emotional trauma from my previous friendships and my newfound discovery of an aspect of my sexuality that has prevailed since early childhood that I hid from myself that was brought upon by emotional trauma via bullying from a sibling. Soon, as I developed an obsession with a fictional character that he didn't enjoy as much as I did, I would become more abusive and purposefully neglectful than usual. I also befriended a Dutchman by the alias of "Whiskey," had an acquaintanceship with a then 29-year-old Russian man by the alias of UrsaeRigor ("Ursa"), and Riem introduced me to some of his friends.

At age 18, I would "befriend" a man from Georgia, USA by the possible name of "David," who groomed me sexually when I was still 17 (turning 18) going by the falsified online identity of a Russian woman by the name of Olga Nikolaevna Drozdova, taking advantage of my impaired psychological state brought upon by my medication withdrawal from Ziprasidone and my vulnerabilities caused by this, and would say and do things to purposefully trigger my trauma and negative emotions, and manipulated me into being obsessed with Olga for almost 3 years after he "ghosted" me as her the day I turned 18 (which was supposed to also be the day "she" turned 21) by utilizing his primary identity + his other identities who are all tied to himself and "Olga" to incite jealousy, anger, and misery by prolonging contact with me in various ways and then publicly twisting these events later on to publicly slander me with half-truths, the omitting of key information and context, and outright lies (when they were acknowledged, that is). Around the age of 18-20, I would befriend one of his identities, "Alexia Skorp," who, with the assistance of my mother, was the key player in allowing me to discover the truth of his potentially veridical identity—or, at the very least, the fact that he's an American man pretending to be multiple foreign people online, who is likely obsessed with me, more so after I ceased all contact with him as Alexia and he has severed all ties with me as most of his other identities and is uncertain on how to initiate contact with me again without enticing me to do so himself (which he truly has been attempting to, I can tell by his erratic activity, but I will not under any circumstances).

(If you are interested in learning more, with evidence, please send me a private message or email and I may create a public PSA with all the evidence I have, with more evidence that will be added when accessible. However, in the meantime, I can DM all the evidence I have to support this notion. Please do not harass him (assuming you believe the evidence and are against him), simply block him—he thrives on attention, especially positive ones, so blocking will do more to him and his ego than harassing him. My intention on informing people of this is so people can avoid him and make a wise decision as to whether or not they wish to financially support him [any longer].)

What did you usually wear?: Long-sleeved shirts, usually dark but any color would do, and comfortable pants without strings, and that were relatively slim (i.e.: that could pass as casual outdoor pants while being comfortable on my sensitive skin caused by autism).

Did you have any pets? No.

Did you have a DeviantArt?: Yes, but I didn't utilize it often at this point.

Did you draw?: Yes.

What did your art look like (another picture!)?: Coming soon!

How many watchers did you have?: Around 14 (new account).

Any other interesting info on yourself back then?: Due to all of these events, I would become constantly manic during this year—usually a euphoric mania, but occasionally a dysphoric mania. I was also much more outgoing than in the previous phase (during my turmoil over severing my friendship with Tom)—almost as outgoing as I was at ages 10-13.

Next questions are over age 21.

What name do you go by?: Robin.

Gender Identification?: Male.

Sexuality?: Biromantic asexual fetishist. (I still prefer the "omniromantic" label but biromantic is simpler for laymen to comprehend due to being more "normalized.")

What’s your Fursona (give us a picture!)?: Roger Grimdark the Repulsive Velociraptor (who, somehow, is able to turn heads with his appearance for reasons other than being a velociraptor).

Hobbies?: Drawing, writing stories, playing MMORPGs such as ToonTown Rewritten and virtual world games, playing word and puzzle games, filling out surveys for money, watching nostalgic cartoons on TV, watching vintage films, reading academically, politically, instructively, and recreationally (i.e.: recreational "information" such as about fandoms), collecting vintage and aesthetically-pleasing images online, being a Donaldist, editing and moderating the DHMIS Wiki, lurking and chatting on Discord, lurking websites such as Toyhou.se and Reddit, viewing art and informative/educational videos about various topics.

Personality?: Solemn, solicitous, darkly-inclined, intellectual, fond of classic, morbid, absurd, and ironic humor, relatively sophisticated, highly introverted, melancholic, passive-aggressive, eccentric, strange, occasionally insecure, mostly optimistic but occasionally pessimistic, self-hating, odd relationship with food.

Favorite food?: Chocolate, French fries, chicken (fried, teriyaki), beef stew, beef steak, crab meat, squid in olive oil, salmon, lasagna.

Who’s your best friend?: Dreamy Riemy. ♥

What do you usually wear?: Long-sleeved shirts (especially turtleneck sweaters), dark colors (black or as close to black as possible), black socks, and wool pants.

Do you have any pets? If so, what are they?: We cannot afford a dog at the moment, and we cannot currently house one with our current living situation, but we're hoping that once we move, we'll eventually be able to afford a puppy... hopefully, a borzoi or a beagle or a golden retriever or similar.

Any other interesting info on yourself now?: Though I will always have phases of depression and I've attempted suicide once this year, I am somehow much happier than I was in the past 3 years. I am now thankful to be alive, something I haven't felt in years, and I'm looking forward to the future. I'm growing slightly more comfortable conversing with others, slowly, and I am more willing to forgive most people for their past transgressions than I ever was before and wish others well. Somehow, things are finally looking up after 3 years of non-stop suicidal misery. ♥ I've also stopped being too angry at the modern world, as disappointed as I still am, and I'm looking forward to living closer to my favorite eras with some small exceptions every once in a while (aside from modern technology and medicine, which are necessary and which our ancestors would've been proud of, and my political leanings which are more progressive).

REFLECTION TIME!

How much have you changed in these years?: Plenty of changes. Politically, intellectually, and in terms of interests. I've discovered so much about myself and I thank everyone who was ever involved with me for being a part of my journey, regardless of how large your role was and your legacy in my mind, and I hope everyone I've ever met is living wonderfully wherever they are. ♥♥♥ To those I have disparaged, I apologize immensely for putting you through so much pain and sorrow and for making you feel bad about yourself, even a little, and I hope we can someday rekindle if you ever wish to so we can bury these resentments and move on and/or be on better terms.

Are you happy with the changes?: Yes, I definitely am.

Is there anything you wish you could go back to and change?: I would have canceled that commission with David that jump-started our "friendship," and I would have been less aggressive to everyone who was attempting to befriend me during this time who I abandoned due to being too infatuated with him to realize that he wasn't all I needed.

Which part of your life did you like more; old or new?: 2019 (17) and 2023, definitely. Those were my peak years. All the other years can rot to hell.

Was this meme interesting (>:3c)?: Extremely. ♥